What we Learned

LBR, LP, EO, KK

THE INVITATION

This past September, I was asked to facilitate a workshop at a women's prison. Rowlanda Cawthorn, of the Communications Department at the Mission Creek Correction Center for Women, contacted me about a conference they were putting on, “Rejuvenate Your Mind, Body and Soul." It would be held on November 7th. She said she thought WWISH’s mission aligned with that of the the prison.

When Rowlanda and I spoke, we discussed how women need resources and support when they are released from prison and the current resources available through the government are lacking. In our discussion we agreed that private companies need to step up and provide what is lacking. She told me that when offenders are released they are not given a whole lot of instruction or resources. And in order for these women to succeed they have to change pretty much everything they know to be true.

I thought that if women who have been incarcerated can re-emerge into society and re-create their lives, anyone can.

I was excited for this opportunity. It felt like it was exactly where WWISH needed to go.

PLANNING

After talking with Rowlanda, I got some ideas for a workshop. My thoughts were that all of the women in prison had to let go of something, maybe the very thing that landed them there in the first place, in order to succeed on the outside. They also had to create a new life and in that life there were probably things they would want to change in themselves and find opportunities that would ensure change; I called these “wishes.”

VOLUNTEERS

Interestingly, I had no problem finding volunteers. I shared this opportunity to a few women who I admire and trust and they said yes! Like me, they thought it would be a great learning experience.

Eimear O’Neill, Karrie Kohlhaas, and Lynn Baldwin Rhoades were on board as the WWISH team.

PERCEPTION

To be honest, most of what I had heard or learned about women in prison I got from movies. And after meeting with my team we all seemed to have the same perception, which was vague at best.

We had no idea if the women would relate to us, or if we’d look like privileged, yuppie, white women with no idea what they were going through or where they had come from.

What was most interesting is that when my team and I got to talking we learned from each other that we had all been through some pretty difficult challenges and overcome some significant adversities. We began to realize that some of the women in prison could probably relate to what we had been through. We knew that we were not so different from the women we were hoping to help.

Granted, we had never been incarcerated, but as forks in the road of life appear, and we make choices, those really wrong choices are not so incomprehensible. For myself, I certainly could have gone down a more difficult path. I thank God I did not. The struggles I did experience gave me a tremendous amount of compassion for all women’s struggles, even the ones I have not experienced first hand. I believe our pain is universal.

But could the women prisoners really take us seriously?

INTENTION FOR WORKSHOP

We all agreed that our intention was to design an event that would create an opening for the women to hold a vision for themselves that might be better than what they have allowed for themselves in the past. We wanted to help each woman define that vision. We also wanted to help them define what they wanted to release: habits, addictions, ideas, behaviors, people.

We were doing three workshops throughout the day. Reaching 150 women. Our goal was to offer a place that the women could feel safe enough to open up to us. In order for this to happen, we were going to have to show them something that they could relate to.

We decided to share our stories of adversity with them. Each one of us would take a few minutes and share what it was like for us when we went through something painful and life changing, and what we did to transform ourselves in order to move beyond that experience.

THE DAY OF THE EVENT

Winding up the long driveway to the prison entrance I felt a emotional. This felt like something very significant for us and for the women at the prison. As we approached the front of the building we noticed the barbed wire surrounding the building. None of us said much at this point. I was nervous.

We entered the main lobby, got through security, and were escorted into the facility. A few women made eye contact, but I could not tell if they were receptive yet. I remember Karrie touching my arm and whispering, “It’s going to be great."

THE WORKSHOP

Women began filing in and taking seats in the circle of chairs we had set up. The ages ranged from 18 to close to 70. All colors, shapes, sizes and hair dos. Some fit in to our pre-conceived notions of what “prisoners” look like, but most, looked just like us. The only difference is that we wore WWISH tee shirts; they wore tan shirts and tan pants.

As we waited for everyone to get seated I still felt nervous. I tried to see some clue in the faces coming in if we were “okay” with them. Finally, a woman who had already found a seat to the right of me asked me what WWISH is about. After I shared, her face immediately lit up with a big smile! She said, “We women need this so much, that is great, I am so glad you are here!"

That was all I needed, I knew we were in!

We began by each sharing something about ourselves that was a pivotal point in our life. It was a time of individual crisis for each one of us. The women listened intently, some welling up with tears, some offering tissue to us when we got emotional ourselves. As we finished our story, and this happened consistently with every group, the room broke out into applause—-to our surprise. We had no idea we would be received so well, even cheered for!

Somehow the room had shifted; we were no longer visitors from the city in a room full of prisoners. We were all just women with stories to share, struggles to overcome and dreams to fulfill.

From there the women began sharing little pieces of their dreams, wishes and fears.

One woman told us that she was terrified to be free because she had no idea what it would feel like to be both free and sober. The only time she wasn’t on heavy drugs or alcohol was when she was locked up.

She said, “As soon as I get out, I get high because I just want to stay numb. I realize that I don’t really know who I am. And by asking myself what my “wish” would be for my life, I say its freedom. But I never thought of all the things this could mean. For me it’s not just being out of prison it’s being truly free from drugs, free from people who bring me down, free of my own fears of life, free of my insecurities, free to really live and know myself, get a job, have things that other people have.”

One woman had been in a gang since she was 12 and she is now 29. She was terrified because when she got out she would be forced to go back to her old neighborhood because she had no other place to go. Her “wish” was to be free of the gang lifestyle and free from fear by creating a new life around her that helped her stay strong.

We learned from many of the women that when a felon leaves prison, she has to have an address and typically the only address she has is the one she came from. So this lands them back into the same environment, which may only be supportive of their old behavior.

As each woman shared their “wish”, all the women supported the one speaking by cheering, laughing, crying, nodding, or offering a hug.

One woman had a “wish” to ride a horse-drawn buggy across America to raise money for brain cancer. Another had a “wish” to own a Ruby Tuesday, another wanted her cosmetology degree and many wanted to go to college. A majority of the women just wanted to be good mothers and stay drug free. And one said she wanted to keep herself out of prison so she could spend time with her grandbabies.

In order to accomplish the “wishes” that each woman had, we encouraged them to seek out support and resources right when they get out of prison; and to allow others to help them stay on course by holding them accountable and giving them encouragement.

After each woman shared a bit about their story and their “wish” we responded to them with this mantra, “I hear you, I see you, I support you, YOU are powerful!”

Some of the woman shared with us, through tears, that they had never had anyone say anything like that to them before. They said it felt good.

At the end of the workshop each woman got to take away a card that we designed for them with a space to write their “wish” and the mantra. Our hope is that they place it somewhere where they can see it every day to remind them that they CAN realize their “wishes.”

In each workshop, after it was over, the women approached us, thanked us, gave us hugs, many said this was the best thing they’d ever experienced. Some said it was the most support they’d ever received. Several said, “Thank you for treating us like equals.” To that we would reply, “We are equals!” “Yes,” they said, “But most people don’t treat us that way.”

CONCLUSION

We went to the prison to introduce new ways to add to a better success rate when the women got released. We came away knowing so much about them and realizing how alike we really are. We are all women who have a desire to grow and be happy, have jobs, and families, money in the bank, a home to live in.

As we stepped out into the fresh air and down the steps, we all stopped and looked at the barbed wire and could see in the distance some of the women walking between buildings. These were the women who we initially felt intimidated by. Looking back at our day of bonding with them, we realized we weren’t so different. In order for growth we all need support from others. Our "wish" is that these women will find what they need to succeed.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

A heartfelt thanks goes out to the staff at the Mission Creek Correction Center for Women. The WWISH team appreciates all you did to accommodate us and make us feel welcome.

I also want to thank my amazing team, Karrie Kohlhaas, Eimear O’Neill, and Lynn Baldwin-Rhoades for their support, encouragement and incredible talent! It was a pleasure to work with you.

Photo's by Eimear O'Neill

Article tagged as: Women, prison, help, resources, reemerge, transform, addiction

1. What an AMAZING story, Laura. I'm so glad you shared this, and I hope you publicize it so that a very wide audience of people can hear about the hope you brought to these women!

   Posted by Rachel Whalley on Tuesday, January 26 2010 at 01:26AM